*and how was your day?*
The prickly sore throat that greeted me this morning was indicative that one of three things had happened during the night:
1) I had sleepwalked to a pet store and swallowed a hedgehog.
2) I had contracted some sort of rare parasite, perhaps throat fleas.
3) My nighttime mouthbreathing was worse than normal, and I didn’t take a single breath through my nose all night long.
I’m pretty sure that it was number 3, though I think 1 is a possibility.
By the time yesterday came to an end, I wanted to do nothing more than ram my face into a brick wall. Sorry to be so dramatic, but at the time it seemed like the best possible distraction from my stress. I went to bed instead. I went to bed after a day where I had hardly any David-and-me Time and absolutely no Me Time. Oh, and no dinner. I wouldn’t recommend it. I went to bed feeling defeated. Feeling like a hypocrite. Feeling like a failure. I could still hear her crying an hour after she had fallen asleep.
I still don’t believe that it’s right to let a child cry it out. I wish I did. That would make the fact that I’ve done it two nights in a row much, much easier to deal with. But right now, I don’t know any other way to handle it. Short of throwing our mattress on the floor to create a family bed, there’s no safe place for her to sleep alone outside of our room.
I’m trying to find the happy this morning, and it hasn’t been difficult. I’ve watched her close her eyes tightly and direct a spoon full of Os to her nose. I’ve listened to her engage Zoe Poodle in a lively conversation about owls. (“Ow-ul. Ow-ul. Hoo. Hoo.”) But after lunch it will be time for a nap, and I don’t know how I’ll handle it today. Yesterday we snuggled together in the guest bedroom. It wasn’t a long nap, but no tears were required to make it happen.
All I want is to be a good mama, and to do the right thing, and for Pea to love and trust us. I don’t really feel like I have any of that right now. My heart feels like a rotten piece of fruit. The stress of this situation is making me physically ill and I just don’t know what to do.
Do you think that there might be something medical causing this no-sleep thing? I would take Pea to the doc just to check. If there’s nothing medical causing this, I see absolutely no problem with letting her cry it out. Prior to a year of age, I am *absoutely* against CIO, but after a year of age, as long as there’s not something going on medically, I don’t see much of a problem with it.
You are a *very* good mama. Don’t let the lack of sleep and me-time make you feel that way. We have ALL been where you are, and know how you feel. If you need ANYTHING, even just a shoulder to cry on, or reassurance, I’m just an email away.
Hey, I’m betting that you’re an excellent Mama. The mere fact that you write these things shows that. Much as I might like to try, I feel that my childless state doesn’t entitle me to an opinion on the CIO issue. So I guess however you handle that is however you handle that.
I’m not a doctor. (duh.) But I’d bet from piecing things together that Pea is probably having allergy-related night terrors. I had them until I was 11, and always right around bad allergy season. Which it is for me right now.
Ivy, I really don’t think so but I may take her to the doctor early next week if we don’t get some sort of resolution.
Kat, I would love to hear your CIO opinion anyway. Feel free to email me if you don’t want to post it here. I’ve actually never heard of night terrors being related to allergies, but it’s something I’ll look into. It’s seasonal allergy season, but I’ve also wondered if something dietary could be causing this weirdness. Hmm.
Last night and the night before, once she finally fell asleep she slept through the night. And when I sat down to rock her, she would fall asleep very quickly. It’s the transferring her to her bed part that has been freaking her out.
Basically my opinion is that unless the child sounds truly in pain or seriously traumatised that a little CIO isn’t necessarily a bad thing, as long as the child is (as Ivy said) at least a year old. Prior to a year you don’t necessarily know their noises and they don’t seem to communicate as much in a cry.
(Again, my only experience is three younger siblings and a some really bratty nieces and nephews. So maybe I don’t know what I’m talking about.)
As far as allergy-related night terrors, mine were deemed to have come from not being able to breathe while I slept and that translating to the, well, terror of it all. When kids sleep with their parents, the mother or father a lot of times (without even realising it) will adjust the child in the night periodically so that breath stoppage isn’t caught immediately. That’s why (according to some doctors I’ve talked to) a lot of kids get nightmares and/or sleep anxiety around allergy season time. They associate sleeping by themselves with claustrophobia or inability to breathe. I guess, though, I should correct myself. If she’s not waking up in the middle of the night it’s not night terrors as much as sleep anxiety which is the actual term I meant to use. (I’ve had both. )